Magens Bay --San Thomas

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

The Sturdy Wall ...

I remember when I was much younger. Just like any sibling rivalry, I fought a lot with my older brother. And our father would spank us (okay ... more like mere slaps on our behinds) and still my brother’s crying sound could be heard from across the rooms. Then I heard whispered voices, “How come you only spank one but not the other?” – My mother would say. Then I heard an answer from my father, “I gave them both, but your stubborn daughter won’t cry.” – Um… I did! Silently.

Stubborn children are like the sturdy walls; we don’t cry often, we don’t give in. The harder you push us; we would be as silent as the wall.And we won't budge!

--courtesy of

The truth of the matter is we do cry though not often. Tears don’t come naturally to us.  In fact sometimes it worries me. There are times, I wish I could just cry but I just can’t. I feel like I was built like a wall, strong and sturdy. --I don’t cry much for my own misfortunes … sometimes I don’t even cry when I am hurting. 

Like mom like daughter, my younger one is as stubborn as her mom. I remember when she was in Kindergarten, her teacher said that this child has strong will. At home, she wouldn't apologize even she had done something wrong. It took us years to teach her how to say "I am sorry." --Definitely with much loving and patience.

"Still, raising stubborn kids is tricky. It's up to you to show them they don't rule the world  -- without teaching them to be wimps." --cited from

Very true. You don't want us to be wimpy after all. But with the right touch, love and patience (a lot of patience,) we can turn into a charming wall. Yes. Only love and patience can penetrate through those tough walls. And perhaps turn the sturdy wall into a much softer one but definitely not into the wimpy wall. After all we don't want the wall to crumple and starting to wail. 

One thing worth mentioning, stubborn kids have soft hearts too. Yes, we do! Regardless how sturdy a wall could be...
There are times when nature took over and turned the sturdy wall into the Weeping Wall.
There are times when I found myself awaken in the middle of night feeling sadden by others' misfortunes.
There are times when I would cry helplessly watching tear-jerking dramas leaving my family speechless.

Just like me, though she is too young to watch drama movies, she too has soft heart. She never holds anything against anyone.
Though, we can't be changed over night, with times and much times, the nature will take its course and only then the sturdy wall will start looking less sturdy. I too changed a lot since becoming a parent myself.
Because I know, only leading by example, and again with lot of love, and patience, I can then pervade through our bullheaded children.

I hope you enjoy this journey visiting the sturdy wall as much I enjoy living it. How would you turn a sturdy wall into a charming one? I would love to hear from ya ...

Until next stop,
Journey of Life


  1. Our son asked me a while back whether mommy and daddy ever cry...

    There are many reasons why we cry - sadness, physical pain, joy. Even anger.

    You raise an interesting question about "stubborn children." Not crying IMHO is more an act of defiance than anything else. The "no matter what, YOU are not going to win. Shedding tears validates that you are right, and I am wrong. Forget it!"

    It's a tough balance trying to raise children who will stand up for themselves, but not to the point of obstinance. The ability to recognise when one is wrong and the courage to accept that admitting wrong-doing is not a sign of weakness is a form of maturity, I think. Seeing that the world is not black and white is difficult for the young, and I think can only be learnt by experience.

    I like to think of our lives in a somewhat geometric-metaphor. When we are young, we're like a brand new, hard, square object. Our corners are sharp and our surfaces rough. Over time, we make mistakes. We run into situations that we don't like. We "lose" battles.

    Through these experiences, the hard, sharp corners of our perceptions of absolute truth are worn away, until we become less perfectly shaped - we "fit" into the world better.

    This is wisdom.

    Finally, the wall metaphor is a good one. But never forget, walls are made to keep things out. They are at times necessary, but need to have the occasional breach...

    1. You are absolutely correct on, ".. an act of defiance than anything else. The "no matter what, YOU are not going to win. Shedding tears validates that you are right, and I am wrong. Forget it!"" --Yes, that was exactly what I had in my head.

      What a beautiful way to harmonize math into our life equation. Simply beautiful!

      You brought up a very good point. Indeed sometimes I use my stubbornness to shield me from being hurt further.